I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
