nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
it's great music for shaving your balls
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
