She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
