I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
you would pick up someone in the library
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
