Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
