She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
