he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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