you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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