She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
