just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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