After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.Â
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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