There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
he fucked my hip out of place.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
