I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
