Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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