Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Randomize
