Buhtt sex?
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
We were destined to go to rehab together
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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