I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
