You really coming over, don't trick.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Randomize
