Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
