Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Randomize
