yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
