And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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