I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
