Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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