your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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