it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
We need a shit load of segways right now
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
