I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
i think my cat just said my name.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
