i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
