I faked an abortion last night.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
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