so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
my liver is dry heaving
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
