when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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