I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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