I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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