I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I pour the whiskey from now on
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
