Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
