why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
