I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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