Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
