There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Randomize
