she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
