Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
