so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
