We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
