I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
