i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
