so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
