I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Randomize
