just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
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