I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
