so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
