I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
