To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Randomize
