Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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