dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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